treadmilltonowhere

I'm Back!?!

When I was diagnosed with ADD a couple of years ago it was the answer to all the questions.  It was the reason for all the failures and frustrations.  It was the bridge to save my marriage.  It was the reason to keep living.  Unfortunately, it was also the key bit of information I needed to surge ahead with even more reckless abandon.  You see, I now knew what the problem was.  Therefore, in my mind, I could just figure out or create solutions to the problems launched by my ADD.  I heard that my old coping skills would need to be addressed, but that was alot of work and I was now energized by my new revelation.  Well, the utopia lasted a little while, but the only real differences were that I could focus for the first time ever due to the medication and I now knew what was causing me do do things the weird way that I did them.  Eventually, my chosen life path had to come to an end (I had started my own business) because my wife had this crazy need for our bills and debt to be paid (didn't she trust me?).  So, a few months ago, I got a real job in sales.  I must say that I really do enjoy the job and I actually wish I had taken the position years earlier.  However, I have now realized that I have got to get some sort of grip on my ADD.  So, here we go!  I am going to track my progress on this blog so, knowing me, it should be interesting, horrific, weird, and random all at the same time.  Hopefully the shrapnel and screams will not be too much for those around me.

Why am I doing this?

When we first discovered that I had ADD, it was a major relief.  We finally had an answer to what was "wrong" with me.  It was a huge victory, and with just this knowledge I started healing and not hating myself so much.  As time went on, I started taking Stratera, a non-stimulant medication.  The eventual results were amazing.  However, what I noticed from other people, my wife and family included, was that now that I had the knowledge, had the medication, and had a few months to recover, everything should be fixed and perfect.  In their minds I had taken the pill, gotten healed, and should now be a different person.  Maybe that is the case with some people, but not with me.  Due to 37 years with ADD, I had developed a vast coping system to survive.  In addition, my life was in ruins from my crashing and burning.  Very few people understood unless they too had ADD.  So, even though I am not a doctor or a psychologist trained in ADD, I do have it!  Therefore I have developed this blog to tell folks in my situation that I am with you and understand and to help inform everyone else what we are going through.  Incidentally, I never could have pulled off this blog before taking the medicine.  Focus is an amazing thing!