treadmilltonowhere

Above the Crowd

The other day at church it was "family service".  Basically, there were no classes for kids so we had our kids with us during the main worship service.  My kids love to sit up high, so I agreed.  Normally my wife and I sit on the "floor" level closer to the front.  Well, sitting up high was definitely a mistake for me.  When you are up high at my church, you can see everything and everybody.  You can see empty seats people are looking for, you can see the wide variety of things people are wearing, you can see the stage and the band from a different perspective, and you can see how people are worshiping (or doing something else).  In other words, I did not get anything out the service because of where we were sitting.  Maybe that was why I preferred to sit in the back during school and still prefer it today.  There is always something to look at in case the presentation is boring, which it usually is if it last more than 7 minutes.

Narrowing the Focus

One of the characteristics of my adult life "riddled" with ADD has been the constant pursuit of about 20 goals or projects at any given moment.  I've never been satisfied with a few pursuits like one job, a hobby, the yard, and reading the Bible.  I have always had about 20, including research projects, multiple business ideas, websites, creative projects, church tasks, many personal goals, etc.  I can dream up and start anything, but I have never finished any of it.  In addition, the new ideas seem to come on a daily basis, sometimes even multiple times per day.  It has not been helpful that I was usually hyper-confident and optimistic about the pending success of every idea I came up with.  Well, as I attempt to start anew, my current "goal" is to try and pursue only a few things for now.  I am narrowing my focus.  I am attempting only a few endeavors including my new job, my health, my family, and just a few creative outlets.  So far it seems to be working, although I have to constantly ignore the flashes of ideas, possibilities, and dreams that flood me each day.

I'm Back!?!

When I was diagnosed with ADD a couple of years ago it was the answer to all the questions.  It was the reason for all the failures and frustrations.  It was the bridge to save my marriage.  It was the reason to keep living.  Unfortunately, it was also the key bit of information I needed to surge ahead with even more reckless abandon.  You see, I now knew what the problem was.  Therefore, in my mind, I could just figure out or create solutions to the problems launched by my ADD.  I heard that my old coping skills would need to be addressed, but that was alot of work and I was now energized by my new revelation.  Well, the utopia lasted a little while, but the only real differences were that I could focus for the first time ever due to the medication and I now knew what was causing me do do things the weird way that I did them.  Eventually, my chosen life path had to come to an end (I had started my own business) because my wife had this crazy need for our bills and debt to be paid (didn't she trust me?).  So, a few months ago, I got a real job in sales.  I must say that I really do enjoy the job and I actually wish I had taken the position years earlier.  However, I have now realized that I have got to get some sort of grip on my ADD.  So, here we go!  I am going to track my progress on this blog so, knowing me, it should be interesting, horrific, weird, and random all at the same time.  Hopefully the shrapnel and screams will not be too much for those around me.

No ADD in an Eastern Mindset?

Not long ago I was teaching a class at church.  We were listening to a series from a guy named Ray Vander Laan.  He is an American Christian who was educated in Israel under Jewish rabbis.  The clash and resulting revelations he received about an "eastern" world view vs. a "western" world view were amazing.  In the west we are very scientific, rational, linear, organized and outlined in our thinking and reasoning.  In the east, they are visual, experiential, metaphorical, and storied.  It was very interesting to me in studying the Bible which was written by people with an eastern world view.  But another amazing revelation for me came when Vander Laan stated that when he takes people with ADD to Israel with him to study, they basically don't have ADD anymore.  He said that the eastern mindset was how their brains functioned and they actually fit much more easily than other people without ADD.  For me, I can see how this would be true.  I think in pictures, I reason in metaphors, I sense changes, I feel directions, I understand poetry, and I am moved by experiences.  My wife, on the other hand, is about as western in her thinking as a person can be.  No wonder we have a hard time communicating.  This information was not a scientific study by Vander Laan, but it sure made sense to me.  His website is followtherabbi.com.

I Forgot What I Was Going to Blog About

The other day I had about 7 topics I wanted to blog about.  I can't remember them now.  It has always seemed that ideas, revelations, etc. come at random times and in huge floods.  I generally do not have control over when, accept sometimes when I take a shower.  For some reason, while in the shower I often get all kinds of ideas.  The trick is to remember them long enough to write them down when I get out!  I suppose it could make me one of the "cleanest" bloggers out there, but the water bill suffers.  Actually, it has been helpful reading a post on Lifedoodling about this very thing.  When I am inspired, write, create, produce, etc.  Go for it, seize the ADD super-focused moment, even if it is at 4:00 am.  Routine is boring anyway.

Update:  Ok, about 30 minutes after I posted this blog, I was thinking about what I had posted as I sipped my Grande refill and I thought "Hey bonehead, why don't you follow your own advice?"  So I just jotted down 5 post ideas for the next few days.

Have Not Taken my Medicine

Let's see, I have not taken my medicine for about a week.  There are several reasons, but the main one is the cost.  I can't afford it right now.  I was thinking about this a few minutes ago while sipping a coke.  Then I thought about the last 36 hours.  Beginning yesterday morning, I have had 4 large coffees from either Starbucks or Java City, 2 Dr Peppers, 3 Cokes, a Mountain Dew, 2 plates of rice and noodles from a Chinese restaurant, a package of rice, a box of macaroni and cheese, a cinnamon roll, a bag of chips, as well as other normal meals.  Can anyone say "self-medication?"

Change of Plans

This morning, I grabbed my dark roast grande, no room, sat down at a booth at Java City, and was preparing to write a post about goats when my phone vibrated.  It was my good friend who owns a courier business.  Along with several other "jobs", I drive a few routes for him each week.  I call this job my Post-Early-Midlife-Crisis-ADD-Fueled-Crash-and-Burn-Satisfy-the-Wife-OK-Lord-I-Will-Humble-Myself-Job.  It seemed that the plane that brings bags of stuff to our town nearly crashed and was waiting for repairs at the airport.  So I went to the airport, hung out for a while with the pilot, and heard how the plane was in the worst condition of any plane the mechanic had ever seen.  The mechanic refused to even work on the plane because he did not want his name on it.  So I encourage the 18-year old pilot who had just started working for this airplane company and told him to just enjoy the adventure.  This was much more exciting than sitting behind a desk.  He agreed.  I then loaded the bags into my truck and drove them to another town where the pilot was supposed to take them.  Just south of my city are some hills and a very winding road.  The speed limit drops considerably due to people flying off the road and dying, but I actually sped up.  It reminded me of the questions in the book Delivered from Distraction.  One of the questions was perfectly worded.  It basically asked if driving fast was "soothing" for you.  YES!  I had never connected the two, but driving fast, especially on curves, is like a message for the soul.  Very strange.  Well, after I dropped off the bags to a young, chain-smoking mother with two kids under 3 in her backseat, I spotted an historical fort off the road and decided to take a look.  After literally about three and half minutes of looking I was on the highway again headed back to Java City where I am now writing this post.  The crazy thing about this is that I love days like this!

Tough Business Plan

What a tough business plan these adult ADD medication companies have.  Not what normal investors are usually looking for.  Question:  What is your product.  Answer:  Well, it is a medication that helps adults with ADD focus better.  Great, how much does it cost?  About $200+ per month but, their insurance should help cover it.  Wonderful, tell me about your target market?  Oh, uh, well... most of them are folks with ADD whose lives have often crashed and burned, they are broke and in debt, many don't have health insurance because they can't afford it, and they have a hard time remembering to even take their medication.  Great... what other medications do you produce?

Greatest ADD time of the Year!

This week begins the greatest few weeks of the year, in my distracted opinion.  March Madness!  It should be an ADD holiday.  How does anyone expect me to get anything done Thursday through Sunday with wall-to-wall games on?  Also, how did any ADDer survive without the cbs simulcasts online where we can follow every game as it happens?  ADD and its ability to "focus" on multiple things at once is definitely a gift during this time of year.  BTW, I am picking Baylor all the way (maybe because this school mercifully awarded me a diploma and because I was actually on the last Baylor team that made it to the big dance in 1988).

What did you say?

After I discovered that I had ADD, I began the process of analyzing myself.  So many aspects of my life, my personality, my habits, etc. appeared not to be normal!  During one occasion, my wife and I were sitting at the dinner table and she began telling me something.  After about 10 seconds of her talking I laughed and asked her to stop.  I had not heard a word of what she had said.  Then, I literally listed the five totally unrelated things I had thought about during the 10 seconds she was talking.  This was something that was normal in my life for as long as I could remember, and I just thought it was something that everyone dealt with.  Other people, in my reasoning, had much better self-control and discipline than I did.  Turns out, most other people do not struggle with this.  On the other hand, sometimes it is nice to have a dozen other things to think about when someone else is telling you a boring story.